UK 'wins' Eurovision

"Poor old Josh". Having just crammed three hours of Eurovision fun into around an hour and a half I think Graham Norton got it right when he summed it up with those three little words. Poor old Josh. He didn't deserve to come last and it's true - he did give a very credible performance. They'd tweaked the song and sorted out the pretty naff choreography that left him looking very wooden at the UK final.

Sadly the song, while being perfectly fine, just didn't stand out. Josh put his all into and he sung with gusto and (take note Jemini!) he sung in tune as well, but it clearly just wasn't enough. My favourite was Belgium - the man on his guitar. No gimmicks, just nice singing. Maybe old fashioned but it was very good. Germany didn't do it for me. And if one act sticks out it's got to be the three women whose dresses morphed into butterflies. Brilliant! Take a rubbish song and literally dress it up in a daft frock. A-may-zing.

So what are left with? Well thankfully not the dreaded "nul points" but nonetheless a dreadfully embarrassing last place. Maybe Europe hate us after all. Maybe they have every right to. Who knows? Josh can hold his head high though - he didn't disgrace himself. And actually - maybe we won after all. Perhaps Josh was deliberately saddled with a song that had no chance so that we didn't have to foot the bill for staging the event next year. So in a funny sort of way, given the fact we're constantly being told we have less money than Greece, we did actually win. Cos next year we can still go to the party, but not have to pay for it. I'll get my ticket booked.